I've Never Part Deux
by Cellar Door 26
Summary: Sequel to I've Never, obviously. Our heroes try to figure out what happened the night before. Includes hangovers, sexual innuendoes, and a violen. Hints of McWeir and Sheyla. You might want to read I've Never before this one.


A.N. BosieD and I both wrote this fic. It's a sequel to I've Never (obviously). Ok, just so you know, I'm jewish. That means I can use Hitler for a metaphor if I want to. Also, whenever you see g-d, take out - and add o. I believe it's only typed like that once 'cause my total BFF wrote most of this and she's not Jewish. But she's still way cool.

888

Once upon a time, there was a hangover. A classic case of hangover, complete with an elephants-cavorting-inside-the-skull headache and a something-has-died-here taste inside the mouth. In other words, it was hell. Pure throbbing hell.

Aiden Ford lifted his head from the pillow, and immediately regretted it. Then a wave of nausea forced him into a sitting position. His hand landed on the pillow and as the nausea thankfully backed off, he noticed odd smudges on the fabric. Thick dark red and light purple streaks were smeared over his pillow.

_What the hell?_ floated dimly through the pounding of his head, but suddenly the nausea returned and he dashed to the bathroom to be sick.

Aiden hated being sick.

When it was over (thank god), he brushed his teeth in attempt to wash the taste away. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like hell. He looked like—wait. Was that makeup?

Oh god, it was. Aiden rubbed a hand across his face, smearing the lipstick and eyeshadow. Crap, what did he do last night?

He thought, hard. Alcohol. He remembered getting drunk. Getting drunk with…people. He remembered finally getting to name something. And then he remembered a kiss. Aiden smiled at the thought, even though he couldn't remember who it was. Finally, he had gotten some.

Then, with a sickening shock, he remembered Carson. Leaning on Carson, too drunk to walk, and asking a question.

_How many men have you kissed? _

And then Carson had kissed him.

Aiden suddenly felt like throwing up again, and it had nothing to do with his hangover.

888

Elizabeth awoke feeling bad. As she rolled to the side, she realized that "bad" was a drastic understatement. Atrocious came to mind. Disastrous. Apocalyptic. Cataclysmic. Downright crappy.

She opened her eyes. Mistake. _Mistake. _The light exploded in with the power of 1,000 suns going supernova. 10000 watt lightbulbs, two inches from the sun, neon signs exploding, a million bonfires, an a-bomb going off, all this happening in front of her eyes. Her eyelids slammed shut and she rolled over, burying her face into the pillow. Was it always this bright in her room? No. She was hungover.

Damn.

888

Rodney McKay was annoying by nature. He bitched about the simplest pain and blew the most harmless illness so out of proportion that it became the plague. Many a psychiatrist would tell you that this was a defense mechanism designed to keep people away, but it wasn't. He was just a whiny man.

Yes, Rodney McKay was annoying by nature. But god help the person who had to spend a hungover morning with him. Which is quite ironic, considering that Radek Zelenka didn't even believe in god. However, he was beginning to think that prayer would be his only way out.

Radek sighed and listened to Rodney swear for the hundred-and-twelfth time in the past hour. The aforementioned Canadian had his head stuck inside some Ancient Device™ and was attempting to figure it out.

"Can I help with anything?" Radek asked, not for the first time. He had been reduced to watching after Rodney had gone off and shouted the age-old question, "is every single person here an idiot!"

"No," Rodney answered, voice slightly muffled. "You certainly cannot help."

"Are you sure?" Radek said tiredly. He was _so_ bored.

"Yes," Rodney responded tersely. There was a snap from inside the device and an electric buzz. "No," Rodney said, sounding aghast. "No, no, no, no!" he shouted, bumping his head as he emerged from the device.

Radek sat up. Things seemed to be getting more exciting. "Did you break it?" he asked.

"Of course not!" Rodney snapped, rubbing his head. He turned around and the light caught him in the eyes like a needle. "Oh! …god," he groaned, and threw an arm across his face. "Ow. Oh, I feel sick."

"What's wrong?" Radek asked, getting up to see if both the device and Rodney were okay. He looked closer at Rodney. Headache, photosensitivity, nausea…sudden realization dawned. "You have a hangover, Rodney," Radek stated with a small note of triumph.

"Oh, very, very astute," said Rodney.

"When were you drinking?" said Radek.

Rodney glared at him. "You're just full of questions today, aren't you?"

"Am I?" Radek grinned.

Rodney smirked. "Cute," he said, tone rife with sarcasm. "I was drinking last night. When else would I be drinking?"

"Were you with anyone?" By now, Radek was glad to do something other than mess with Ancient Devices. He was going to enjoy annoying Rodney to the fullest.

"No, I was drinking alone, in the dark, by myself, like the sad man I am," Rodney snapped. "Of course I was with someone. I'm not that pitiful."

"Who were you with?" Radek asked. He idly looked into the device. A few wires were hanging loose, little copper filaments sticking out. So Rodney _had _broken it.

Rodney sat down and leaned forward onto the table. "Oh, just Sheppard, Teyla, Ford, Carson, and Elizabeth."

Radek perked up, smirking. "Elizabeth?" he said, layering about five tons of subtext into one word.

"What?" Rodney asked. "What's that tone for?"

"Oh, please. Everyone knows you have her name written in your notebooks."

Rodney shot out of his chair. "I do not!" he protested, and then winced. "Ow." He sat back down.

Radek's grin was so wide that the top of his head was in danger of falling off. "You do," he said. "I've seen it. Doodled in the margins of your notes, 'Rodney 'hearts' Elizabeth." He drew a little heart in the air.

"Shut up," Rodney moaned. "Nothing happened. Well, I mean, nothing between us. Otherwise, a _lot_ happened." He smiled, glad to finally have the upper hand.

A look of realization took Radek's face like Hitler took Poland. "My god," he said. "You had sex with Sheppard, didn't you?"

"What!" Rodney shrieked, voice rising up a couple dangerous octaves. "No! Oh my god! Where did you—what—I mean—no! Ew! No!"

"All right, all right," Radek said, hands up in a gesture of peace. "I'm sorry, I just jumped to conclusions."

"Like hell!" Rodney shouted, still irate. He took a few deep breaths and sat back down as the hangover caught up with him. Still, he managed to fix Radek with an icy stare and growl, "I hate you."

888

John stared contemplatively at his fruit loops. They stared back, bright unnatural colors standing out in the milk. He hadn't yet made up his mind about last night. Sure, Teyla had taken him back to his room, but nothing had happened. He'd told her she was pretty, but she probably didn't think much of it seeing as he'd been swaying, slurring, and could barely focus on her.

Next to him, Teyla breakfasted on oatmeal. She showed no signs of hangover, which made sense, seeing as she had shown no signs of drunkenness the previous night.

John looked up as Aiden sat down at their table, clutching a muffin.

"Hey," Aiden said, distractedly. He was looking around the room. When it seemed that the person he was searching for wasn't there, he turned his attention to John.

"Hi," John said. "So. Crazy night last night, huh?"

Aiden looked up, eyes wide. "What?" he said. He looked like a spooked deer about to bolt. "What do you mean?"

"The makeup," John answered. "Well, you might not remember because…you were unconscious. But it was damn funny."

Aiden sighed in relief. "Oh, the makeup, right. Yeah, that was crazy." He smiled.

"By the way, you missed some." John leaned forward and gestured at Aiden's eyelid. "There."

"Oh god!" Aiden ducked his head and scrubbed at his eyes. He looked back up when he was sure it was gone. "Oops."

John grinned. He was about to say something, but Aiden was staring fixedly at something over John's shoulder. "What?" John asked, but Aiden was already gone, throwing a quick, "goodbye" behind him. Teyla and John turned at see where he went and saw that he was headed toward the other side of the mess, where Carson was fast heading in the other direction.

"Wonder what that's all about," John muttered, turning back to his fruit loops.

Teyla just smiled into her oatmeal.

888

Elizabeth had finally recovered enough to venture out of her room. She walked down the corridor, on her way to the mess hall in pursuit of breakfast. She rarely got nauseous when hungover, and was actually hungry. Suddenly Aiden came around the corner and almost ran into her.

"Whoa. Hello, Ford," Elizabeth said. She suddenly remembered Aiden having his face made up by Carson the previous night, and tried very hard not to smile.

"Hi," Ford said. He seemed incredibly restless.

"What's wrong?" Elizabeth asked. She followed Aiden's movements as he tried to see around her, leaning to the left and then to the right.

"Um. Nothing. You haven't seen Carson, have you?" Aiden asked, finally looking her in the eyes.

"Ah, I haven't, sorry," Elizabeth answered. Now she was really curious. "Why?"

Aiden froze. He reminded Elizabeth powerfully of a skittish little animal like a rabbit or a squirrel. It was hard not to wonder where he kept the acorns. "Um," he said. "Uh. No reason. Just…tell me if you see him, okay?"

Still dubious, Elizabeth said, "All right. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," Aiden said a bit too quickly, forcing a smile. "Great."

Deciding to leave the young lieutenant to whatever was bothering him, Elizabeth set off in search of breakfast.

Stepping through the doorway, Elizabeth bumped into someone. She looked up, and saw that it was McKay.

"I'm sorry," they said at the same time. She smiled and repeated herself.

"It's fine," he put in, and was about to walk in the opposite direction when she spoke.

"Aren't you going in?" she asked hurriedly, sensing tension in the air.

"Uhh, no." his gaze floated around the space between them, landing everywhere but her face.

"Why not?" she asked, wondering why he was so intent on not talking with her. So far his sentences were monosyllabic. It was annoying. A person tried to get through them. Rodney moved closer to her to make room for Miko. As his aftershave wafted to her nose she remembered something… about last night. His arm was around her and she was holding him close. She probed this memory and then she began to remember something else, the door they were heading to… it was hers.

"Elizabeth, are you alright?" Rodney asked, suddenly looked concerned. She realized that she hadn't been paying attention to his explanation of why he was leaving without eating. This sounded very un-Rodney. She felt her left cheek, it was hot. Great, she was blushing.

"Um, about last night… did we…" she couldn't finish her sentence. He looked up from his shoes and stared at her. Really stared at her. She felt vulnerable and hopeful and taken apart all at the same time. He opened his mouth and she waited.

"Hey guys," two heads turned toward that voice. It was Sheppard. Elizabeth visibly deflated. Sheppard seemed not to notice. His attention was on Rodney.

"Uh Rodney, I really need to talk to you about something." Everyone looked at him. "Alone." Rodney was all too happy to comply.

"Okay," he said, and they hastily walked away.

"What was that all about?" Elizabeth asked, turning to Teyla.

"I do not know."

888

"So what do you need me for?" Rodney asked. He was slightly more irritable than usual, being still hungover and without breakfast.

"Just follow me," Sheppard said, walking extremely fast seemingly to no place in particular. It was only when they stopped moving that Rodney realized where they were.

"The bathroom, Major?" Rodney looked around dubiously. "What do you need, exactly?" Sheppard looked at him incredulously.

"What do you think? My shower head's broken!" there was, in fact, a broken showerhead in the shower. McKay turned to him.

"How did you break your showerhead and why couldn't you have told me about this when everyone else was around?"

"Think about it." John Sheppard said this with much insinuation. As thoughts begin to form in Rodney's mind, he quickly shook his head.

"I'd rather not."

"So will you fix it?" Sheppard asked, wanting to get this over and done with.

"Why don't you just get an engineer to do it?" Rodney asked. He was a _scientist_; why should he have to do it?

"Because I already told you about it. Besides, they always throw pencils at me."

Rodney glanced away from the showerhead and looked at the man as if he had suddenly become possessed. "What?"

"I'm serious, they do. But whenever I tell Elizabeth about what's going on, they deny it."

Rodney gave him a look like, "yeah, sure." He said, "We have to be at the debriefing in…"Rodney checked his watch, "ten minutes. I'll fix it later." Sheppard gave him a look. "I will."

"I'll hold you to that. Come on, let's get to that meeting."

888

It had been exactly 34.16 minutes since this meeting had started and everyone knew it. People, out of respect of the speaker, were trying to stay awake, but it was a very daunting task. Lt. Gansberg, g-d bless him, was just plain bad at public speaking. He had the whole, stumbling over words, reiterating facts over and over again, and using the same tone. Sheppard had begun to wonder why Weir had let him publicly speak at all. Overcome with boredom, Sheppard looked the woman to his right. She seemed to be the only one not bored to tears. An idea came to him. Soon, it invaded all his thoughts and he realized that he had to do it or he would regret it for a long, long time. He faked a yawn, stretched out his arms, and slowly brought an arm to rest across Teyla's shoulders. She jumped slightly, then looked at him and smiled, scooting a bit closer. The old yawning trick; works every time.

"Therefore, both SA1 and SA4 should leave tomorrow morning." With that Lt. Gansberg sat down. No one spoke for a moment. It took awhile for people to wake up from his mindless droning.

"Well, thank you for that… speech, Lt. Gansberg," said Weir, addressing him only. She turned to the group of people, "You have a go at 0800."

People began to file out. Rodney seemed to be in the biggest hurry.

"Rodney? May I speak to you a moment?" Since their last encounter, she had continued thinking about last night. With what she had remembered, it seemed that instead of showing that nothing was going on, something had indeed gone on. He walked over to her, still not able to meet her eyes.

"Yes, Elizabeth?"

She steeled herself. "I was wondering…"

John chose that moment to stick his head through the door. "Rodney?" he said. "I'm about to take a shower so, um, I'll need you." He gestured over his shoulder.

Elizabeth stopped dead. She could feel herself blushing. John couldn't be talking about what she thought he was. Was he?

Rodney didn't seem to notice the awkwardness. "Right," he said. "Of course. I'll be right there." He turned to Elizabeth. "Sorry, but I promised." Rodney followed John out of the room.

Elizabeth couldn't seem to stop blushing. She looked over and realized that Radek hadn't yet left the room, and had therefore witnessed everything. He looked at her, grinning.

"What are you so happy about?" Elizabeth asked, annoyed at the fact that she would now have to suffer for even longer.

"Oh, nothing," he chuckled. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Dr. Weir, I have bets to collect on." With that, he bounced out the room.

888

Aiden Ford had been through stealth training. He could track rabbits through the thickest of foliage. He could find a single mine in the middle of a jungle. So why, in the name of all that was good, couldn't he find one doctor in a city?

A nice part of the city's inhabitants had come to fear Aiden, if only for a day; he was like a one-man Spanish Inquisition, quizzing the medical staff on the whereabouts of one Carson Beckett. No one expected him.

Aiden was now searching section five, level three. He couldn't help wondering how good Carson was at hide and seek. Suddenly, Aiden caught sight of a white lab coat disappearing around a corner. _Finally_. He took a deep breath, counted to three, and whirled around the corner, seizing Carson by the lapels of his lab coat and pinning him to the wall.

They struggled for a bit, but face it, Aiden was just stronger than Carson, and he eventually had the doctor completely under his control.

"You've been avoiding me," Aiden hissed.

"Have I?" Carson squeaked. "I, er, hadn't noticed."

"Shut up," said Aiden. "You've been running away from me all morning and I think we both know why."

Carson was blushing. "Um, no, I don't think so. Could you enlighten me?"

"You _kissed_ me!" Aiden said, trying to shout and keep quiet at the same time. "And don't try playing stupid because I know you remember it and I've had a hard enough time with this already. I've been looking for you all morning, and I've had a hangover, and…and it hasn't been pleasant."

"A hangover?" Carson went from embarrassed to concerned in two seconds flat. "Why didn't you come to me? I could have given you something for it."

"Well, I just thought—wait! No! I'm _angry _at you!" Aiden said, to remind the both of them. "Changing the subject is _not _allowed."

"Aright, alright," Carson sighed, giving in. "Yes, I remember that…that I kissed you. But it only happens when I'm drunk. Really drunk. It meant nothing. Really."

Ford stared at him for a second, as if trying to stare the truth out of him. Finally, he released the doctor. "Okay," said Ford, greatly relieved. "Thanks."

"Yeah," said Carson, who hadn't stopped blushing, and quickly walked off down the hall.

However, as Carson was walking away, Ford couldn't help thinking that Carson really wasn't very drunk last night. After all, he said it only happened when he was _really_ drunk and he wasn't.

888

Elizabeth couldn't take it anymore. She had to know what had happened last night. Nothing could keep her from the truth by now.

She marched determinedly down the hall to John's quarters, where Rodney supposedly was. She paused outside, about to open the door, when she heard noises from inside. Grunts. Muttered expletives. And conversation.

"C'mon McKay, just shove it in!"

"Excuse me, _shove_? That could seriously damage the hole. Just let me—ah!"

"Jesus!"

"Damn, this is…tight. Just let me…" it segued into more grunting.

Elizabeth didn't know whether to laugh or be seriously freaked out. She studied her options. Walk away and leave well enough alone, stay here and listen and betray her teammates, or burst in and find two people under her command in what could well be a compromising position. She opted for the second choice.

"Wait, okay. I've got it in." McKay's voice this time. "I think, um…ah! Yes!"

"Hey, watch where you point that thing! I'm getting all wet!"

"Sorry."

"Never mind, just finish it off."

More grunting from Rodney.

This was going a bit too far for Elizabeth's taste. She readied herself for whatever might be beyond the door, and opened it.

"Rodney, John?" She called loudly. The grunting ceased abruptly. "It's Elizabeth," she said, needlessly.

"Oh, hi, Elizabeth!" John said cheerily. "We're in the bathroom!"

"Are you, now?" Elizabeth muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" John asked.

"Nothing!" Elizabeth answered.

"Come in!" said Rodney. There was a squeak, and a thump, and an unsuccessfully muffled curse.

"Oh." Elizabeth was somewhat taken aback. "In there?"

"Yes, come in!"

She approached with extreme caution. Five more steps to the bathroom. Four. Three. Two…she walked in to find John and Rodney fully clothed, standing in what the Ancients called a bathtub. John was soaking wet and Rodney was holding what must have once been the showerhead.

"Oh," said Elizabeth. "So that's what you were doing."

"What?" John asked, confused.

Elizabeth blushed. Damn, caught. "Nothing," she said, barely managing to brush it off. "What are you doing?"

"Fixing my shower," John announced, as Rodney made what looked like the last few adjustments. "What is it you need?"

Right. It was now or never. "Rodney, I need to speak to you."

"Okay," said Rodney, trying to step out of the bathtub and succeeding in tripping over the edge. He popped back up as if nothing had happened. "Shall we?" he gestured towards the door.

"Yes, we shall." Elizabeth smiled and led the way out.

Thankfully, the hall was deserted.

"Last night," Elizabeth began, "we got drunk."

Rodney nodded in agreement. "Indeed we did."

Elizabeth allowed her self a small chuckle. Then she got back to business. "Well, when I get drunk, I get…well, amorous."

"Yeah," said Rodney. "I kind of…noticed."

Elizabeth wondered if she would ever stop blushing. "I was just wondering if, um…if anything happened between us last night."

"Happened?" Rodney echoed, his eyes wide. "You mean…_happened _happened?"

"Yes, happened happened."

"Well, I took you back to your room and… nope, nothing happened."

Inwardly, Elizabeth heaved a sigh of relief. However, for reasons she couldn't quite understand, she was disappointed because of what might have been. It must have shown on her face because he said,

"Why? Did you want something to happen?" her gaze had been holding at his feet but after he'd said those words she looked up. They gazed into each others eyes deeply, meaningfully, leaning closer and closer when…Zelenka suddenly popped up, playing a violin.

"What the hell?" said Rodney and Elizabeth, in unison.

"Is theme song for your romancings," Zelenka said, grinning like an idiot. "I call it, 'Elizabeth and Rodney Should Just Kiss Already'. You like it, yes?"

"Weren't you rooting for Sheppard and I?" Rodney asked, incredibly irritated that his 'moment' with Elizabeth had been destroyed.

"Yes, well, you have to roll with punches," Zelenka replied. He winked and sashayed off down the hall, still playing his violin.

There was a pause. Suddenly Weir had a thought. "Hang on," she said. "Where did he get the violin?"

END


End file.
